Plug Ins

We bought a new coffee maker a couple of months ago. Our old one finally pooped out on us. Seems we don’t have very good luck with appliances. Especially coffee makers. Oh, and toasters. Seems like we had one toaster that lasted fifteen years and have had fifteen toasters that have lasted one year each.
I don’t know if it’s the quality of coffee makers and toasters these days that has gotten us onto this merry go round. We don’t abuse our possessions, particularly ones that are used on a daily basis. So what other explanation could it be other than poor craftsmanship? And just where does one get these machines repaired these days? Oh yeah, almost forgot, today all that stuff is disposable. Something went wrong? Throw it away and go buy a new one.
The new coffee maker is one in a very long line of coffee makers. The last one we actually broke on the first day we owned it. But we made do rather than face the hassles of returning it. You know, finding the receipt, repacking the damn thing and driving to the store. But as we all know, that’s actually the easy part. Once there, the quest for a parking spot is daunting. Almost as daunting as standing in line to face the clerk. The one that would rather be somewhere else. Anywhere else rather than facing us dissatisfied customers.
Despite our misuse, the coffee maker did its job. Making coffee. Every morning. Sometimes a second pot later on. But it too succumbed to old age and like the incontinent senior, wet all over our kitchen counter. We knew it was time for a new one. Fortunately for me, the wife was heading to Target that day so it fell on her. Whew. I’m not very good at those things and stores like Curnow’s just don’t exist. Not around here anyway. Besides, I generally equate price with quality and bring home the high end stuff only to get a lecture.
So the wife brings home the cheapest coffee maker known to mankind. I mean cheap. McDonalds cheap. It doesn’t even have an automatic shut off. Yikes. Why we could burn down the house just forgetting to turn the damn thing off before we go shopping. But I didn’t say anything for fear that she’d make me take it back and face all that nonsense. In marriage, you have to choose your battles wisely. And sparingly.
I don’t want to jinx it, but that coffee pot has worked beautifully. Brews the coffee and keeps it hot. Just the way I like it. As it turns out, that automatic turn off is actually not such a good thing for us. I’m up by 4AM and turning on the coffee is one of the first things I do. So two hours later the coffee pot would turn itself off. If I didn’t notice, there was cold coffee for the wife. Not a good thing.
I’m proud to report that so far the pot has not been inadvertently left turned on. I usually take the last cup and have remembered to turn it off. Not bad for an old fart. Now if I can just remember where in the hell I left the spare keys to my truck. Hmm, maybe I can remember over a cup of coffee and toast…

Movie Experience

The wife and I went to a movie the other day. The early cheaper show. We still call them matinees. Guess that dates us. We like the cheaper prices, easier to find parking spots and smaller crowds in the theater. Ah, retirement.
We saw Knight and Day, the new Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz movie. It was the best choice among all the animated, 3D and just plain stupid offerings. I’m not a big Tom Cruise fan anymore. Not that I ever thought he was an actor worthy of an Oscar. Well, maybe for Rain Man. I stopped going to his movies, giving him my money a while back because he let out his inner jerk.
He’s not alone among celebrities that I avoid supporting. Russell Crowe heads the list. It took me years before I could watch him in Gladiator. Didn’t even order it on Netflix but watched it on regular, or rather satellite TV. I reluctantly give him credit for a fine performance. Denzel Washington is another one as is Queen Latiffa. Both because they purportedly said early in their careers that they not only don’t like white people but don’t want their money. OK, not a problem.
We hold our celebrities in high esteem. Simply because they are celebrities. As if being famous automatically bestows wisdom and integrity. Kinda like Paris Hilton. Or Lindsay Lohan. Or that up and coming train wreck Miley Cyrus. All are products and poor reflections of their parents. But we love to hear all about their lives. Every lurid detail. I think it was better when the studios kept all that stuff hush-hush.
Tom Cruise fell out of grace for me with that ill advised rant about post partum women in general and Brooke Shields in particular. He went right off the big jerk scale. Much to her credit Ms Shields took the high moral road and refused to get caught up in it. But most of the frustrated housewives that lust after Tom Cruise seemingly stood by their idol. Shame on 'em.
So we went to the movie and a funny thing happened. Actually, two. First, I actually liked the movie. Turns out, it’s exactly my kind of movie. Despite the fact that there was no nudity or sex. It was mindless entertainment with plenty of humor, action and a little suspense. I watch movies first and foremost to be entertained. I don’t care about subplots and symbolism. Just make me laugh or cry or anything in between. Which is why I love so many foreign films.
The second funny thing that happened was an affirmation of civility. After the movie was over I picked up the somewhat empty popcorn bag and soft drink cup. It was then that I noticed that almost everyone else in the theater was doing the same. We were gathering our trash to remove it from the theater. Out of consideration to those that would follow. All this without being asked or told. I must admit that most of us were older but there were a couple of younger folks that followed suit.
Maybe it was a cosmic alignment that led us to civil behavior. Maybe we all had caring parents that taught us to pick up after ourselves. Maybe it was because none of were celebrities and had lost sight of who we are, where we came from. It was a nice reflection on all our parents.

Knucklehead Thieves

Went for a bike ride last week. Nothing unusual, I do it all the time. But when I got back to my pickup it had been broken into. Passenger window shattered into countless pieces. Glass on the ground and all over the interior of my truck. Yikes.
I really don’t understand the mentality of stealing. Sure, we’ve all done it whether it’s grabbing a piece of candy from the bin at the grocery store or taking home some staples from the office. Not that doing it is OK. But what I don’t understand is the theft of personal property. My simplistic approach is that if you like something I have, get a job, save some money and go buy one for yourself. But alas, some people find it easier to just steal.
What’s ironic in my case is what was taken. Keep in mind that my Chevy pickup is a work truck. Nothing fancy. One factory hubcap is missing and probably will never be replaced. Didn’t even have power windows until I bought a kit and converted them myself a couple of years ago. So what, you may ask is worth breaking into and taking? Well, the factory radio had been replaced with one worth a couple of bucks. But they only had time to take the faceplate, leaving the bulk of the radio in the dash. Both pieces worthless without the other.
They scored pretty big with my cycling gear. Had a satchel behind the seat with my winter riding clothes; arm warmers, gloves, skull cap and wind/rain repellant jacket. Visible on the front seat was another satchel with more riding gear. Extra pair of riding glasses, spare lenses for the pair I had on and some energy bars. Hope they choke on them.
Most people think I felt violated. Not really, but I’m sure if my truck could speak… What those knuckleheads did was to get into my brain. To shake my level of security, comfort and safety. Is it OK to park at my favorite spot now? Should I take only the bare minimum wherever I go in my truck? Emptying the contents and leaving nothing visible to any would be thieves? When I went for another ride with a group two days later we parked in the same place. But it was later in the morning and there were already other vehicles present. Unlike the fateful morning when it was 530 in the morning and mine was the only vehicle there. That was my rationalization anyway.
The ride had a very heavy feel to it. Not my legs but my head. Couldn’t shake the feeling that I’d get back and find that the replacement window shattered. Should I have left the faceplate for the new radio in the tool box? But then they might think that the old radio was still in place and steal it to complete the set. But leaving the new faceplate/radio for all to see could be tempting as well. It was, needless to say quite a nerve racking ride. But when we got back, all was well. Pizza was on me that day.
Tried to ride again on Monday after a weird weekend of second guessing and bank account dealings(but that’s another story)but saw some suspicious characters and went home. It’s just a mental block. I’ve found a new parking spot and went for a ride yesterday. Screw ‘em. They ain’t gonna ruin it for me. Besides, I’m a firm believer in Karma.

My Dad

I never played catch with my Father. He didn’t know how. As a young man growing up in Mexico he had other priorities. Earning a living and getting an education took precedence over beisbol. He might have been a capable futbol player but I never knew. My Dad kept those things to himself.
My own life always seemed like a series of disappointments to my Dad. The few moments that felt like triumphs were met with little acknowledgement, let alone praise. The occasional hug or even rarer fumbled words of encouragement prompted me to finally decide that they were best celebrated within me; in emulation of his life.
There was, however, never a lack of words of caution. “Don’t act silly” was his favorite and most often heard. Really? How else was an immature young man supposed to act? Silliness was my forte, always just below the surface of my personality. Lurking, waiting for the right moment to surface. But his admonishments to stifle that behavior overruled my own feelings. Most of the time anyway.
But as we both grew older I came to understand my Dad. Little by little secrets of his own life surfaced revealing a complex set of ethos held deeply in his heart. His Dad wasn’t around much, leaving my Dad to fend with his siblings. Stories of disappointments, heartaches and frustrations would occasionally be told. But not to me by my Dad. Usually from my brother who never played catch with my Dad either.
Much later I was asked to leave my last real job. You know, that’s just the PC way of saying I was fired. After much debate, I decided to become a self employed handy man. It was tough at first and I literally hit the streets distributing self made flyers door to door. It was from that activity and word of mouth that my business grew.
One day on my weekly lunch visit to my parents my Mom had to make a quick trip to the store for some missing ingredient. It was just my Dad and me sitting at the kitchen table. I savored those times when it was just us two. We could put our guards down and have normal conversations about anything. He asked how work was going. I told him the truth, that things were not bad. He looked at me and in the filtered sunlight coming through the curtains; it almost looked as if his eyes were a little teary. I knew better and wrote it off to the eye drops he used.
In a very quiet tone he told me that he was very proud of how I had built up my own business. To the impartial observer it might have appeared that I had also become teary eyed. I told him that the work ethic in me was learned from him. Before anything else was said, Mom walked in from her errand and the conversation turned to the price of groceries.
I never played catch with my Father, but I learned so much more. Thanks, Dad. Rest in peace.

Faceless Book

My FaceBook days are once again behind me. Hopefully this time for good. It has very little to do with any privacy issues but more to do with my expectations. Or maybe I’m just one of those grumpy old men that can’t abide foolishness. In others.
The lure of FaceBook is appealing. Staying connected to friends and family. It’s free and relatively easy to use. But those two facets cut both ways. It’s what makes it hugely popular and at times a pain the neck. Reading about other people’s lives can be educational if not entertaining. But hearing other people’s political and religious opinions can be at the very least tedious. And a monumental waste of time. It brings to mind my philosophy about opinions. Someone’s attempt at changing my opinion is usually about as successful as me changing theirs.
The use of FaceBook as a forum for expressing opinions was not something I anticipated. Or welcomed. I looked forward to hearing about the weather in different parts of the state and country or even the world. Even hearing about children and grandchildren or even pets was nice. Or how about a vacation, a weekend getaway? Yeah, bring it on. Lousy day at work? Go ahead, cry on my electronic shoulder. I can take it. But I just don’t think FaceBook is the place to solve the world’s problems.
I even abided those silly games like The Farm (or whatever it’s called), or Mafia Wars or, well you know what I’m talking about. At least those were usually just one line items easily ignored, unlike the rants about government and politicians. Jeez, take it to the ballot box. And judging by the latest election, it’s probably something that most FB users don’t do. It is after all, much easier to sit on our butts typing than it is studying the issues and voting. But do you think that we can solve the world’s problems by venting our opinions on FaceBook? Really?
Back in the 60’s I learned through during my protesting days that the petition was the least effective tool in changing the status quo. What a petition represented was the zeal and effort of the person gathering signatures. It showed that one person went through the exercise to contact others and gather signatures. Those signing simply did just that. Nothing else required. Not sure if that still holds true today, but judging from the actions or inactions of politicians today, I think today’s electronic petitions are even less valuable. To begin with, how do you verify the validity of electronic signatures? So requests to join others in protest or support via emails and websites and FB pages might be pretty damn silly. Plus it was one more thing that bugged me.
Yeah, yeah, I know there’s a way to block, hide or otherwise keep people off my page. Pretty simple stuff, I’m told. But why have them as friends if I have to block them? I enjoy hearing about their ups and downs and sharing laughs. Even the occasional witty barb directed at politicians can be enjoyed. Occasionally.
So it’s no big deal. I’ve disabled my FaceBook account. Picked up my marbles and gone home. Partly petulant, partly disgusted, largely disappointed. But mostly just a grumpy old man.

I WON(?)

Got a notification via email that once again, I was on the winning side of a class action law suit. But I’m older and a little wiser now about being a winner in those actions. This time I didn’t come up with big schemes on how I would spend my money.
I remember my first win, the thrill of victory, the smell of impending riches. We, abused customers, had brought the big giant, AT&T, to its knees. Bloodied and head bowed, it had sent up the proverbial white flag in defeat and resignation. My notification way back then, pre email days, came via USPS. It had that official look to it. In anticipation the envelope was ripped open and the letter quickly scanned for those magic word$. There, in the first paragraph which was a good omen, the pronouncement of our victory was heralded for all the world to see. Millions of dollars had been won. Millions!! To be shared by all us winners. Containment of my excitement was barely possible.
Even with some quick math done in my head, my share of the loot would formidable. My brain was working overtime. Where could that money be spent? New tools, shoes or jewelry for the wife? Or, was my share big enough for, gulp, a new car? The classic American Dream of getting something for nothing had finally come true for me. But I knew better than to tell anyone. No need to have friends and relatives coming out of the woodwork for a handout. Let them win their own lawsuit.
Reading further down the congratulatory letter, the terms of my victory were disclosed. Yikes. My portion of the winnings was that I was entitled to a ten percent discount on my next purchase at any AT&T store, or a free upgrade of my memory card for my cell phone. That’s it?! A discount or a free upgrade? It took me a week before I was able to face the disappointment and make a trip to the local AT& T store. As if to add insult to injury, I was told my cell phone already had the big memory card. I had walked in dejected and walked out humiliated.
My next victory was over the big orange box, Home Depot. Once again, us little guys had prevailed over a faceless, uncaring and greed y corporation. Once again I was notified that my hard working attorneys, altruist fellows that they are, had extracted an agreement from the big orange box on my behalf. This agreement was also worth millions of dollars. Maybe this time was different. Maybe there would be a check in the mail. Maybe I could at least go to MacDonalds for lunch with my portion of the settlement.
But alas, the losing attorneys were quite the clever group. They knew better than to offer any free merchandise but gave us a discount on future purchases. But with a disingenuous twist. In order to receive said discount, the purchase had to be over a specific dollar amount. Then I had to send in the original receipt along with the enclosed post card to a specific address. Then as I recall, my credit card account would be credited with the discount amount. Well, we’re both waiting for me to do that.
So my latest win is over Classmates.com. My account expires this month and I had already decided to let it lapse. So my part of the settlement, a whopping two dollar discount on enrollment fees is for naught. Is it just me, or is the timing of that offer just a coincidence? Nah, corporate America and the attorneys of the world wouldn’t be so devious. They surely have their customer’s best interest at heart.

Oil and Us

The BP oil spill in the gulf has sure turned out to be a disaster. Of course it’s brought out all the self righteous and convenient environmentalists. The same people that are shaking their heads and pointing fingers while driving their cars around town.
We all share in the blame. Our incessant and increased dependency for oil in its many forms has gotten us to where we are today. I accept my share of the blame. Proudly. I’ve listened to others just as proudly attest to their part in the fight against big oil. Some have even said that they’ve written their elected officials. Really? Do they mean the same people that we all criticize and call names? The same people we hate and whom we say ignore us and aren’t doing their jobs? So, let’s see. We, all of us, got ourselves into this mess and the solution is to ask for help from the people we accuse of being inept? Hmm, well good luck with that.
Passing the buck is a fine American tradition. It’s sure beats actually doing something such as giving up your cars, motorcycles, boats, RV’s and anything else that uses oil in any form. I don’t even bother passing the buck, so you’re one up on me. But at least I’m honest in my lack of efforts, as disturbing as that might be. I have two vehicles, none of which is known for good gas mileage. Give either one up? Talk to me when gas is $20 a gallon.
So what, you might rightly ask, is my solution? I don’t have one. No wait, I do. Let the next generation take care of it. Yeah, that’s the ticket. Remember when as a kid you broke something, you would take it to your parents cradling it in both hands and offering it up? You would have that lower lip sticking out, eyes tearing up a little and tell them you broke it and could they fix it. Pretty please? In a reversal of roles, that’s what us old farts can do. Hand the world to our children. What the hell, it’s their turn to help us out, isn’t it?
I don’t recycle. Just as with the oil problem, I rely on others to do that for me. Just as I prefer to leave driving those sissy hybrid cars to, um, others as well. If you want to save the planet for following generations, I applaud and encourage you. Why, I’ll even send you good vibes as I sit here typing on my laptop in my office while my iPod plays oldies and the TV playing in the living room. I raise a plastic glass of beer in your honor. Good work. Keep it up.
It’s not that I don’t believe in recycling, it’s just too big a hassle for me. For me. Maybe not for you, but for me. So next time you drive to the recycle center to redeem those cans and bottles, pat yourself on the back for me. And forget about the irony that we use even more oil driving to that center. Tell you what, if it makes you feel any better, go ahead and use me as an example to your friends and relatives. You know, “I know this guy that refuses to do his share to save the world.”
Well my gardener is pushing his rather noisy mower back and forth across my front lawn and it’s disrupting my thoughts. Maybe I’ll go for a ride in my gas guzzler pickup to buy some petroleum based products.